care to procrastinate?

well here i am sitting in my kitchen listening to music attempting to write a report for history… its not going too well. i have 1/5 of it done and its 201 in the morning. can you say procrastination? and i dont even have any clue as to why im on here typing it up. i could be using my time more wisely and actually do my work instead of typing up a blog.  i got someone to cover my shift today for work because i know how i am. i wont really work on it until about 3-4 and i would have had to be at work at 450. yeah thats early i know.

so i have decided to play around here instead for the moment. i figured out how to change my stuff around and make it prettier. the picture on my header i love that photo. i went to the lake with my best friend and we did photos. it was a truly amazing day. so yeah. i love photography it makes me happy. i love how one photo can capture tons of emotions and literally take my breath away. maybe its just me but its something im truly passionate about.  i hope to one day do something with photography in my life but im scared im not good enough. i mean im not anything special. there are tons of people who are billions of times better than me. in the vast sea of artists im just a medeocre person who wants to be good. i doubt i am.

so i decided im meeting him. it will be fun

may 17th im going to a concert and my cousin is helping put it all together so you know what i get to do? thats right! i get to hang out with the bands and chill backstage. who are these bands you ask? well there is infair verona, scenes and sirens, the secret handshake, young and divine, forever the sickest kids, artist vs. poet and quite a few more. but im just super stoked. i mean i get to hang out with these bands and i hope they are as cool as i have imagined.

im lame i need to get back to my report now.

goodbye

 

realization

 

 

wow so this is my first blog. lets see how this thing works out for me…..

first of all these blogs are for me. i dont know when ill write and i dont know why im writing. i suppose its really for me to just work out my thoughts. as its easier to type everything up onto the computer than to write it down or even talk to other people about it in person. im just now getting the hang of this site so i still dont quite know how to change around my page and what not but once i do it will be pretty. oh i can see it now!

yesterday i was shopping for some new clothes and it hit me. my self image is soo distorted. i think im soo much larger than i really am. the person i see in the mirror and the person who walks down the street that everyone else sees are completely different.  the pants i tried on are 2 sizes smaller than what i thought i wore. and when i got them i was just “trying them on for fun cause i knew they wouldnt fit”. so theres good news and bad news in this. you see the good news is ive lost weight! and for the bad news. it may not be the healthiest way i have gone about it. but i realize that. i have realized that i have horrible self image and self worth.

thats all i really have to say. oh that and im thinking about meeting this guy i met off facebook. funny i may be doing one of the things i told my parents id never do…. i guess this just proves to say “Never say never!”

i must go. i have to go pick up my best friends sister from school as my best friend is out of town right now.